Edward Snowden announced this morning via Twitter that he is releasing a line of whistleblower dolls to compliment the popular Elf on the Shelf doll.
“I don’t want American children growing up accustomed to constant surveillance,” Snowden explained, “I want them to know that they have someone watching out for their Constitutional rights.”
The new doll comes complete with glasses and a laptop that runs an obscure Linux distribution. Also included is a picture book that tells the story of Elfward Snowedin, one of Santa’s helpers who was concerned with the lack of legal checks-and-balances in the secret EoaS program. He leaked top secret correspondences from Mr. Claus himself, even though it put millions of elf operatives’ lives at risk.
“I don’t want to live in a world where everything I do, everyone I talk to, every expression of creativity or love or friendship is reported back to the North Pole while I’m sleeping,” Snowden added, “and neither should our children.”
The whistleblower doll will be available for purchase in time for the 2016 Christmas season, priced starting at 0.04 bitcoin.
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