Iowa Hopelessly Waits for Candidates to Text Back the Next Morning

After a fun night of getting to know the Presidential candidates, Iowa now sits near her phone, checking every five minutes for a reply.

The first thing Iowa did this morning was send a carefully worded text: “Had a lot of fun last night! We should hang out again soon and talk some more about policies!”

“I was a little afraid that two exclamation points would come off as clingy,” explained the Hawkeye State, “but this year’s caucus was particularly exciting, and I felt confident I could take the risk.”

Iowa was especially fond of Senator Ted Cruz and former Secretary Hilary Clinton, but also showed strong interest in Senator Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump. “It was such a magical night,” Iowa recalled, “We talked about the future, about buying a farm. I felt like we really got to know each other. Like there was a real spark.”

But the Iowa Caucus may turn out to be another broken heart. Sources tell Philadelphia Exquirer that the candidates had sent a text to New Hampshire this morning: “hey sup?”