Tom Wolf to Be Sworn in on Full Moon

In what appears to be a deliberate move from Pennsylvania’s Governor-elect Tom Wolf, the gubernatorial inauguration has been set for January 20th: the same day as a full moon.

Speculation over Wolf’s secret life has been circulating for months. “This is the nail in the coffin for me,” explains Peter Rimey. Graduating with a B.A. in history from Temple University in 2008, he is Philadelphia’s leading conspiracy scientist. “I’m not going to say anything on the record because I’ve been sued for libel in the past, but now I know we’re all thinking it. Next we’ll see them delay the inauguration until after sunset, when the bright orb hangs high in the sky, beckoning the evil spirits, ‘come feast on the Living!'”

When asked at a press conference last week, Wolf’s answer was short, “For God’s sake, I am not a werewolf. Stop asking.”

“I’m not sure where you got your information from,” adds Joseph Bradley, astronomer with the Franklin Institute. “January 20th is actually the new moon, which is the opposite of a full moon.”

Werewolves were first discovered by Albert Einstein in 1920, which earned him the Nobel Prize the following year.