Coca-Cola Polar Bear Endorses Sugary Drink Tax

A polar bear famous for her appearance in Coca-Cola advertising has publicly endorsed Mayor Jim Kenney’s proposed sugary drink tax in clear defiance of her employer, the Coca-Cola Company.

Ursula, 24, has been a mascot of the Coca-Cola company for nearly her entire life, but she says there are things more important than company loyalty. “Many are saying that this will be bad for the company, that we may lose our jobs. But I’m more worried about our cubs’ futures,” Ursula said in a press conference Thursday morning. The funds raised from the proposed tax would pay for universal prekindergarten in Philadelphia.

“We didn’t have universal pre-k when I was growing up,” Ursula stated. “We grew up on the backlots of the Coca-Cola studios where we worked. There were a lot of bad influences, a lot of bears doing coke. I think if we’d had been in school we would be in a better place now.” Ursula first appeared in a Coca-Cola commercial in 1993, when she was only a year old.

While Ursula is not a Philadelphia resident, she hopes that other cities will use the tax as a model. “If it works in Philadelphia, perhaps we can convince our governor in Alaska to pass similar legislation,” she explained.

As for whether she drinks soda, Ursula says, “I haven’t touched the stuff in years. I only drink Dasani now.”

When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the Coca-Cola Company said, “I hope that policymakers are not listening to the opinion of some overgrown beast from out of state. There’s a reason polar bears are endangered: they’re stupid.”