Following outbreaks of E. coli, salmonella, and norovirus, Chipotle announced this morning that they will be requiring all customers sign a waiver of liability before purchasing any food.
“Hundreds of people have gotten sick, and the last thing we need right now is a lawsuit,” said Chipotle spokesperson Chris Arnold.
Last week, news broke that the US Department of Justice had initiated a probe into an outbreak in California. Arnold said he senses foul play. “This is just another attack on organic produce from the big farming industry,” he explained. “Our high-quality, fresh ingredients are non-GMO and pasture-raised. They may be healthier for you, but they are also more likely to cause disease. That’s a risk customers are willing to take.”
“It is odd for the Department of Justice to get involved,” agreed Dr. Colby Berger, Professor of Food Safety at Rutgers Department of Food Science. “Those bastards at Monsanto probably paid the Attorney General to do it. But I’m not sure that requiring a waiver will be the best solution for Chipotle.”
The people at Chipotle aren’t worried. “People eat organic because it’s exciting! An adventure!” Arnold said. “We buy the produce from some guy down the road who doesn’t have a legal address. You never know what you’ll get. And signing a waiver is just another thrilling step in our dining experience.”
