Punxsutawney Phil Predicts 4 More Years of Global Warming
The massive crowds gathered in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania were stunned this morning when the world-famous Punxsutawney Phil emerged from his tree-trunk with a chart related to climate change. According…
Preparing for Gold: Norovirus’ Road to Rio
In the waters of Rio, an ultra-microscopic virus called Norovirus swims laps between bits of fecal matter. It vaults through the air on tiny particles of vomit and passes…
Philly’s Brotherly Love Discovered in Ruins of Boyd Theater
After being lost for 44 years, Philadelphia’s Brotherly Love has at last been uncovered. Demolition crews at the site of the Boyd Theater contacted city officials Monday morning…
UPenn’s New Free Speech Rules to Combat “Safe Spaces”
The University of Pennsylvania announced radical revisions to their free speech code this week, hoping to curb the growth of “safe spaces” and political correctness on the campuses…
GOP Factions Clash over Rules to Debate Drinking Game
With the third Republican debate only hours away, the GOP has yet to agree on the official drinking game for tonight. Weeks of intra-party debate have resulted in nothing…
Complete List of Closings for the Pope’s Philly Visit
We are finally able to release information about the Pope’s visit to Philadelphia this September. Ben Franklin Bridge – CLOSED Schuylkill Expressway (I-76) – CLOSED Vine Street Expressway (I…
14-year-old Expert: Imagine Dragons “Best Band Ever”
A new opinion from one of the country’s leading music critics contends that Imagine Dragons is “the best band ever.” The critic, who goes by the…
New Crowdsourcing Haircut App
Crowdsourcing has revolutionized industries ranging from entertainment to transportation, and now it’s giving a makeover to another age-old industry—hairstyling. Starting this summer you will be able…
Chris Christie’s Approval Rating Reaches Presidential Levels
According to a new poll released this week, Chris Christie’s approval rating has dropped to a remarkable 37%, proof that he is finally ready for presidency. “People…
