Yearly Archives: 2016
SEPTA Enlists “Ride the Ducks” to Provide Service During Strike
It’s been a hectic three days for Philadelphia since SEPTA union members decided to strike, but the oft-maligned Ride the Ducks bus-boats have returned to help…
Preparing for Gold: Norovirus’ Road to Rio
In the waters of Rio, an ultra-microscopic virus called Norovirus swims laps between bits of fecal matter. It vaults through the air on tiny particles of vomit and passes…
Meet the Man Who Designed Hillary Clinton’s DNC Crown
When the DNC crowns Hilary Clinton the first female nominee of a major political party later tonight, they will place the traditional Democratic crown gently onto her hard head. Only…
Local Bean Business Booming in Advance of DNC Fart-in
Members of the Poor People’s Economic Human Rights Campaign are planning what should be the largest fart-in in US history for this Thursday at the DNC, and that…
Coca-Cola Polar Bear Endorses Sugary Drink Tax
A polar bear famous for her appearance in Coca-Cola advertising has publicly endorsed Mayor Jim Kenney’s proposed sugary drink tax in clear defiance of her employer, the…
The 9 Cats That Belong to People You Date in Your 20’s
1. The Domesticated Dimwit You laugh at how your girlfriend’s cat runs into walls and how he’s afraid of bugs, but when she just stops answering…
FBI Orders ADT to Install Backdoor in Every House
FBI director James Comey announced this morning that he is working with home security firm ADT to have a special backdoor installed in each of their customers’ houses, a…
Iowa Hopelessly Waits for Candidates to Text Back the Next Morning
After a fun night of getting to know the Presidential candidates, Iowa now sits near her phone, checking every five minutes for a reply. The first thing Iowa did this…
Councilman Mark Squilla Drops New Album
Mark Squilla announced the release of his debut EP called “District 1” this morning on his official Facebook page. The post included a link to his Bandcamp site…
Philly’s Brotherly Love Discovered in Ruins of Boyd Theater
After being lost for 44 years, Philadelphia’s Brotherly Love has at last been uncovered. Demolition crews at the site of the Boyd Theater contacted city officials Monday morning…